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I have a tricky mind.

It’s favourite trick is keeping me awake at four in the morning while it starts to dissect events, conversations and memories, looking for all those hidden meanings and nuances that just must be there.

{now, writing this in the bright light of day, I can be sarcastic about it. But at four in the morning it’s overwhelming}

I’ve come to accept that this is one of the side effects of being a sensitive person. We feel things so deeply that we imagine everyone to have the same hidden feelings and deep motivations as us, and our innate desire to understand everything means we spend precious time trying to uncover it all.

But recently I noticed a disturbing evolution in my nighttime mental meanderings. Seemingly no longer content with analysing the day just gone, my mind sprang back…back…way back…to something that happened over fifteen years ago.

My toes curled and my face flushed as I remembered a mistake I’d made at work. Seriously. It was like I was there again, feeling the shame and anxiety again first hand. I wanted to sink into the earth to obliterate the memory, so fresh was the humiliation.

I pulled out all my tricks – breathing through the waves of emotions, grounding myself in the present and releasing the memory. When I felt centred again, I asked myself what the hell that was all about.

Simple, came the answer. You’re not on your own team yet.

Being on your own team. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But everywhere, every day, I see people who are sabotaging themselves.

Not being on your own team is not making time for exercise, even though you love the endorphin rush from a good work out. It’s procrastinating on your passion project, even though you know you’ll feel calm, centred and complete when you work on it. It’s lying in bed past your alarm, even though you hate rushing around in the morning and can’t afford to be late for work again.

It’s letting your mind run amok and overrule your heart and soul every. single. time.

Getting on your own team is all about reclaiming your personal and spiritual power. When you’re aware of your sabotaging behaviours, you can find ways of working through them and getting back on track quickly and easily.

So why do we do it? Why do we allow ourselves to sabotage our best interests?

It comes back to drama. Drama makes us feel important, makes us feel energised…makes us feel. In an era when mindlessly scrolling social media has become the norm, so much of our day-to-day experience of life has become stifled and deadened. Drama is is a way of feeling alive once more.

And like all things, you can have good drama {setting a challenging goal, working towards it and achieving it can be pretty dramatic} or negative drama {OMG! Did you read the comments on that FB post?….you get the idea}

This month we have a full moon/lunar eclipse in Leo. Eclipses are amazing transformative times, and Leo is all about personal power and being the Queen of your own jungle. There is no better time to acknowledge if you have a pattern of self-sabotage going on, and then get yourself on your own team.

If you’d like to book a personal power reading to shine a light on just where those self-sabotaging patterns may be for you, head on over to my store. You can also sign up for my newsletter to get access to monthly Dark Moon readings, designed to help uncover just what we need to release each month.

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